“Farewell Paul Buckmaster. So heartbroken. He helped make me the artist I am today. A revolutionary arranger who took my songs and made them soar. Irreplaceable.” ~ Elton John
There are many ways humans have found to hurt each other. It's very sad. We can be thankful when we triumph, and I couldn't have done it without people like Paul along the way, and without God watching over me. I always say, I'm not a "survivor" of abuse. I am victorious! God bless you.
Grateful to know Paul through your writing, Karen. What a beautiful soul. And so glad you found your voice; we need it during these dark times.
I have to mention that as a fellow-six-footer, I noticed something in your body language in the wedding photo, before I read the truth about your relationship.... in that pic, your energy is muted, captive, stiff. You don't look at ease in the least. What a transformation you've gone through in this lifetime!
Absolutely right about the body language. My dad always said to stand up straight, be proud of your height because if you slouch, it doesn’t help, only draws more attention to it. So standing up straight was always a big deal to me. But when I got married, my husband was self-conscious about my height and he wanted me to wear flat shoes. What can I say, I was in love…silly me, and believing he was a Christian and me as a Christian woman I should submit to his authority. I had a lot to learn, but thank God, I did. If I’d had more experience, hadn’t led such a sheltered life, had started training in martial arts at 16 when I wanted to (my parents wouldn’t let me) I am sure things would have been different. The thing is, looking back, I embrace all of my life, and I don’t even have hard feelings towards him. I pray for him and wish him well. I have freed myself of all of that. I got an amazing daughter out of it and life experiences that I can share to help others. What could be better.
I really appreciate this post. I too was friends with Paul Buckmaster, after my uncle did some electrical work on his house in H'wood and told me about meeting him. Asked by my uncle if he would meet me, Paul said yes. I'm a huge Nilsson fan, and that was my main reason for wanting to meet him. Well, we ended up talking about politics a lot more than music! One lunch date, at his house, and then many phone calls. He was very generous with his opinions, and was 100% sold on Lyndon LaRouche. Lucky of him to check out of life before shit got too crazy.
How interesting. I lost touch with him. I never knew he was i to LaRouche. Never would ha e guessed that. He did love to talk and had a mind that never stopped.
Golly!... such a sensitive soul, the way he played in the Elton piece ya shared...wull, makes me think you WERE touched by an angel! I've heard that song a gazillion times (it's beautiful!) but never thought about the 2nd "singer"--that clarion voice of the cello! emotion itself! I must say his playin' is really...er...heavenly! I've heard so many of the pieces he arranged or even played on, never knew the name--grateful ta know it!
Clearly something made him reach out ta ya--he likely DID see the pain, perhaps a creative soul made sad--but of course not the source the sadness! It AMAZES me that sometimes we human beans can not see darkness when (perhaps) we are lookin' for only light? A visionary fella unable to perceive that his friend had that dark/abusive streak--likely you couldn't see it either 'fore ya married yer husband--who appears ta have an unfurrowed brow an' nary a care--why is that? I wish I knew the answer to such a mystery myself!... It's really horrific all he put ya thru... I wonder what he knew--at that moment--when that weddin' photo was snapped?
But re Paul--all these years later that chance meetin' stuck--his kindness... mebbe a tiny blessin' in thar too? Plus yer observin' him waxin' passionate about the movie score--also remembered. I think such moments in our lives git distilled--the essence of his excitement likely DID have a strong impression on ya too Karen. Just as you shine now--so mebbe his touch left a little invisible spark there an' ya found yer own way ta shine too. Who knows, right?
An' Cliff Richard AT YOUR WEDDIN'? OMG... of course he's beyond legendary... It's sad yer husband turned out to be so cruel as at least those two friends he kept seem so kind an' are indeed so talented! Funny world, eh?
Thanks fer touchin' us all today with this lovely--an' inspirin' real-life story--blessin's back yer way!
I have LOTS of Cliff Richard stories. Will probably tell skme others at some point. I never tried to get back at my husband. I am finally writing about it here but at the time I didn't say anything, I just got away. He's a big star in Slovenia. I don't have any bitterness or anything. I even made sure.to take my daughter to visit her family there when she was a child because I loved them all and they loved me,.they understood, and I wanted her to have that deep connection to Slovenia as her home, too. Her life is hers to live. Now my grandsons go there regularly and I'm glad they do.
Will look forward ta hearin' more Cliff stories--a huge talent...a knight too!
Wow, yer ex still a big star there.. that must feel strange--to yer daughter too--if he's in the press, on the tele there... clearly knowin' how he treated you--an' sounds like she could'a been at risk too with his temper. But if y'all have a good rapport with yer ex inlaws that's a good thing 'specially if they understand an' offer their affections even knowin' their son did'ya wrong. I had a friend in a situation where her ex sunk inta alcoholism an' tho' it was always rocky with her after the divorce, the daugher got ta know the ex's mom--her gran'--an' they are still very close to this day--she too understood her son (now deceased from his excesses) was not a good father or husband an' yet the fambly bond is strong an' all fer the better (an' gran'ma is from mexico so my friend's daughter got to visit an' live in mexico too as a perk of keepin' those ties...) So strange how families kin cobble together much good even in the rubble of a failed marriage...
But/too... you still did yer ex a favor by not doin' any kinda tell-all as it would'a been bad press for him... I know it's not in yer heart to be vengeful--but he sure caused you much fear an' pain too... that much he should recognize. Such a tale.
Mebbe he changed fer the better over time...some do... at least it would be nice if he'd be able ta offer a sincere apology, own the hurt he caused--Could it 'a been drugs? I mean so many were "on" something in the mooosick world-- an' some did hide it from wives, fambly...
Nov 11·edited Nov 11Liked by Karen Hunt aka KH Mezek
ah, I see--sometimes it is with performers--I'm glad he asked ya ta forgive 'im--that he at least to some degree recognized what he'd done which was not small, no--even tho' mercifully you an' your daughter are fine--it could'a gone differently (an' thank god it didn't!--some do not realize the harm they can do!)--
So many never ask to be forgiven...but the human spirit is quite flexible I think--folks CAN change/ make amends an' ta the surprise of many... some old dogs kin learn new tricks :-)
Sounds like the Lord definitely used him to encourage you, to let you know you were “seen” and cared for during that difficult time. So, do you believe he was a Christian?
Thank you for remembering Paul. I came to all that music later, but his arrangements for Elton changed the way I thought about music and made me love the cello.
in addition: the World is noticeably better with you in it. dave
That's so kind. Thank you.
Beautifully written, touched me deeply. My abuse was always social, never physical. I'm so pleased that you have found yourself. Praise the Lord.
There are many ways humans have found to hurt each other. It's very sad. We can be thankful when we triumph, and I couldn't have done it without people like Paul along the way, and without God watching over me. I always say, I'm not a "survivor" of abuse. I am victorious! God bless you.
Finally, at 80, I'm living in that as well. Thank you.
Wonderful to hear. Thank the Lord.
Grateful to know Paul through your writing, Karen. What a beautiful soul. And so glad you found your voice; we need it during these dark times.
I have to mention that as a fellow-six-footer, I noticed something in your body language in the wedding photo, before I read the truth about your relationship.... in that pic, your energy is muted, captive, stiff. You don't look at ease in the least. What a transformation you've gone through in this lifetime!
Absolutely right about the body language. My dad always said to stand up straight, be proud of your height because if you slouch, it doesn’t help, only draws more attention to it. So standing up straight was always a big deal to me. But when I got married, my husband was self-conscious about my height and he wanted me to wear flat shoes. What can I say, I was in love…silly me, and believing he was a Christian and me as a Christian woman I should submit to his authority. I had a lot to learn, but thank God, I did. If I’d had more experience, hadn’t led such a sheltered life, had started training in martial arts at 16 when I wanted to (my parents wouldn’t let me) I am sure things would have been different. The thing is, looking back, I embrace all of my life, and I don’t even have hard feelings towards him. I pray for him and wish him well. I have freed myself of all of that. I got an amazing daughter out of it and life experiences that I can share to help others. What could be better.
There is no other way to joy than through acceptance. You're living proof.
Very true. I'm thankful I've been able to live long enough to understand that. Some things take time.
this was 'lump in my throat' good. dave
What an amazing life you lead
Looking back, it's wild. Looking forward it continues to be an adventure!
Thanks Karen. Beautiful, moving story. Beautiful, moving song. Both touched me deeply. I’ve never heard this song before. My soul was moved by both ❤️
❤️
I really appreciate this post. I too was friends with Paul Buckmaster, after my uncle did some electrical work on his house in H'wood and told me about meeting him. Asked by my uncle if he would meet me, Paul said yes. I'm a huge Nilsson fan, and that was my main reason for wanting to meet him. Well, we ended up talking about politics a lot more than music! One lunch date, at his house, and then many phone calls. He was very generous with his opinions, and was 100% sold on Lyndon LaRouche. Lucky of him to check out of life before shit got too crazy.
How interesting. I lost touch with him. I never knew he was i to LaRouche. Never would ha e guessed that. He did love to talk and had a mind that never stopped.
Oh, he absolutely occupied 91% of the air time bandwidth, when we spoke. It would have been tedious if he wasn't so smart and clever.
He had one of those extremely busy minds. 😂
Golly!... such a sensitive soul, the way he played in the Elton piece ya shared...wull, makes me think you WERE touched by an angel! I've heard that song a gazillion times (it's beautiful!) but never thought about the 2nd "singer"--that clarion voice of the cello! emotion itself! I must say his playin' is really...er...heavenly! I've heard so many of the pieces he arranged or even played on, never knew the name--grateful ta know it!
Clearly something made him reach out ta ya--he likely DID see the pain, perhaps a creative soul made sad--but of course not the source the sadness! It AMAZES me that sometimes we human beans can not see darkness when (perhaps) we are lookin' for only light? A visionary fella unable to perceive that his friend had that dark/abusive streak--likely you couldn't see it either 'fore ya married yer husband--who appears ta have an unfurrowed brow an' nary a care--why is that? I wish I knew the answer to such a mystery myself!... It's really horrific all he put ya thru... I wonder what he knew--at that moment--when that weddin' photo was snapped?
But re Paul--all these years later that chance meetin' stuck--his kindness... mebbe a tiny blessin' in thar too? Plus yer observin' him waxin' passionate about the movie score--also remembered. I think such moments in our lives git distilled--the essence of his excitement likely DID have a strong impression on ya too Karen. Just as you shine now--so mebbe his touch left a little invisible spark there an' ya found yer own way ta shine too. Who knows, right?
An' Cliff Richard AT YOUR WEDDIN'? OMG... of course he's beyond legendary... It's sad yer husband turned out to be so cruel as at least those two friends he kept seem so kind an' are indeed so talented! Funny world, eh?
Thanks fer touchin' us all today with this lovely--an' inspirin' real-life story--blessin's back yer way!
I have LOTS of Cliff Richard stories. Will probably tell skme others at some point. I never tried to get back at my husband. I am finally writing about it here but at the time I didn't say anything, I just got away. He's a big star in Slovenia. I don't have any bitterness or anything. I even made sure.to take my daughter to visit her family there when she was a child because I loved them all and they loved me,.they understood, and I wanted her to have that deep connection to Slovenia as her home, too. Her life is hers to live. Now my grandsons go there regularly and I'm glad they do.
Will look forward ta hearin' more Cliff stories--a huge talent...a knight too!
Wow, yer ex still a big star there.. that must feel strange--to yer daughter too--if he's in the press, on the tele there... clearly knowin' how he treated you--an' sounds like she could'a been at risk too with his temper. But if y'all have a good rapport with yer ex inlaws that's a good thing 'specially if they understand an' offer their affections even knowin' their son did'ya wrong. I had a friend in a situation where her ex sunk inta alcoholism an' tho' it was always rocky with her after the divorce, the daugher got ta know the ex's mom--her gran'--an' they are still very close to this day--she too understood her son (now deceased from his excesses) was not a good father or husband an' yet the fambly bond is strong an' all fer the better (an' gran'ma is from mexico so my friend's daughter got to visit an' live in mexico too as a perk of keepin' those ties...) So strange how families kin cobble together much good even in the rubble of a failed marriage...
But/too... you still did yer ex a favor by not doin' any kinda tell-all as it would'a been bad press for him... I know it's not in yer heart to be vengeful--but he sure caused you much fear an' pain too... that much he should recognize. Such a tale.
Mebbe he changed fer the better over time...some do... at least it would be nice if he'd be able ta offer a sincere apology, own the hurt he caused--Could it 'a been drugs? I mean so many were "on" something in the mooosick world-- an' some did hide it from wives, fambly...
Not drugs. When his mother passed away, he did ask for my forgiveness. It's not always been easy, but life is never easy.
ah, I see--sometimes it is with performers--I'm glad he asked ya ta forgive 'im--that he at least to some degree recognized what he'd done which was not small, no--even tho' mercifully you an' your daughter are fine--it could'a gone differently (an' thank god it didn't!--some do not realize the harm they can do!)--
So many never ask to be forgiven...but the human spirit is quite flexible I think--folks CAN change/ make amends an' ta the surprise of many... some old dogs kin learn new tricks :-)
Sounds like the Lord definitely used him to encourage you, to let you know you were “seen” and cared for during that difficult time. So, do you believe he was a Christian?
I believe so.
🙌🏼👏🏼💕Boy, that’s great. Can’t wait to meet him!
Thank you for sharing your story and a bit of Paul's. I appreciate and honor what it takes to offer that out to the universe. Peace be with you.
And peace be with you. 🙏
Thank you Karen….I think there are many of us who understand you, hopefully we have all been strong enough to make it through.
He was the Angel in your life ❤️
Yes he was one of a few.
Thank you for remembering Paul. I came to all that music later, but his arrangements for Elton changed the way I thought about music and made me love the cello.
God was molding you into the incredible woman you are now! This story shows how all things work for the good. Thanks for sharing.