Reflections for a Sunday: The Man Who Touched My Forehead

“Farewell Paul Buckmaster. So heartbroken. He helped make me the artist I am today. A revolutionary arranger who took my songs and made them soar. Irreplaceable.” ~ Elton John

You can listen to me read this essay here:

“Farewell Paul Buckmaster. So heartbroken. He helped make me the artist I am today. A revolutionary arranger who took my songs and made them soar. Irreplaceable.”
~ Elton John

Seven years ago, a beautiful person passed away, and I wanted to share some stories to remember him. Paul Buckmaster. Cellist, composer, the genius behind Elton John, David Bowie, Rolling Stones, Miles Davis, and so many more. The musician who made strings sing.

Paul was a friend of my husband’s, and he was part of a string quartet that played at our wedding. Cliff Richard was there, and I think he sang something, although I don’t remember really. The whole thing was a bit of a blur.

Sasha and I were married at The Arts Centre Group, founded in the 1960s as a place for Christian actors, artists, musicians to congregate and encourage one another. My husband put the wedding together. As a singer trying to make it in England, and already a pretty big star back in Yugoslavia, this was an important performance for him. In contrast to the string quartet, a Black Choir belted out “Here Comes the Bride!” as I walked down the aisle. I was not a performer. I was a shy artist, and I dreaded walking down that aisle, but everyone else absolutely loved it.

One day, many months after our wedding, Sasha and I went to Paul’s flat for a visit, and he was raving about the movie Alien. He showed us all of this incredible artwork of the sets, how the alien worked, played the music for us, with which he was enraptured, perhaps he worked on the strings, I just don’t remember. He was absolutely high from the concept of the film. That’s how he was about David Bowie’s The Man Who Fell to Earth, which he did work on. He was like that about every project. About life. Passionate.

Paul Buckmaster with Elton John. Paul arranged many of Elton John’s most memorable songs.

I remember thinking, how can he talk like that, so free, without worrying that someone will make him stop, what is that like to have so much confidence in one's own voice, in one's own ideas? I was terrified of speaking at parties or even at people's houses when we visited friends (his friends) because I had been told too many times already that I embarrassed my husband with my ignorant comments. If I said the wrong thing, I got kicked and punched afterward. So, I stopped talking.

Because I was quiet, people thought I was either not all there in the head or I was arrogant. But I literally had lost the ability to speak.

I was six feet tall, and when I walked into a room, it was hard to hide myself. But I was always terrified. It's just that no one knew this, except for Paul. He had a spiritual instinct toward me.

I ran into Paul once in Holland Park, when I was walking there, strolling my daughter in her pushchair. It was spring and cold, but I always walked a lot, as if I was on a never-ending journey of escape.

I was nervous when I saw him because I was on my own and he would want to talk to me and what would I have to say? We talked for a bit, mostly him. And then he reached up and gently touched the line between my brows and told me kindly not to frown so much. That if I kept frowning, it would stay there, a testimony to the pain and sorrow. He told me I could be free of it. He believed I could. I wanted to tell him the truth of my life, but my words were imprisoned inside of me, and we parted ways.

He knew something was wrong, but he could never imagine the extent of the abuse I suffered from my husband, his friend.

And so, I have this terrible deep line between my brows that grew deeper the longer I stayed in London. Every time I look at that line now, I think of Paul and how he reached out to me when nobody else did.

It's a miracle that I can speak. It took courage to escape my husband and start training in the fighting arts. I am fearless now. No one can silence me. Paul would be happy to know it.

May God bless you, my friend. See you in paradise.

Here is a wonderful remembrance of Paul on the cello, with Elton John. I am sure you will enjoy it. God bless you all this beautiful Sunday!

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